Santacon 2023

 

By Arnold J. Mungioli

 ’Twas an unseasonably warm afternoon, [two weeks] before Christmas, and all through the [park]… I found myself clearly overdressed, but dressing in layers was an option for me only to a limited degree – the suit is the suit. I was expected to look a certain way, and I respected that.  If one has a message to deliver, it is often wisest to appear in whatever image the recipient will be most able to receive it from you. Dressed for success, I sat on the park bench and waited. It would not be long.

~~~

“Coolest Day of the Whole Freakin’ Year! It takes a certain kind of guy to pull it off!” he thought to himself as he combed his hair looking at his reflection in the mirror that morning. This simple black plastic comb had been a gift from his mother in his Christmas Stocking when he was a young boy, and it’s the one he always used. She had noticed when he began to take some pride in his appearance, and she helped him along. He kept it on the Lucite shelf above the sink next to a quartz crystal that an ex had left behind. He remembered that the crystal was supposed to have special powers – he didn’t believe that, yet there was some sliver of doubt: what if he’d just not yet discovered its powers? So, he never got rid of it, just in case.

Pleased with what he saw in the mirror, he gave himself two thumbs up sticking out his tongue; then, pointing his camera to the mirror, he proclaimed out loud an exclamation of self-praise that some might have thought overrated. “I’m awesome,” he declared with the confidence of a guy who knows he is lacking, but still takes a good photo of himself for social media. Click. Post.

He oozed confidence today. He had downloaded the app. He had started drinking at 10am. He’d been working out to get ready for this. He even got the Santacon badge which boasted that his fifteen bucks went to all the cool charities supported by Santacon, such as Burning Man!

~~~

Christmas celebrates giving. If one maintains a limited understanding of what giving can do to transform human beings and transform the world, then the true magic of the season may be lost on a person. He kept his nose mostly into his phone, brokering deals and making money even as he drank – in cases of such behavior, the magic of life itself may be lost on a person.

It was now early afternoon, and the crowds of drunken Santas in that dark seedy bar were suffocating. He stepped outside into the blinding sunlight! No one would have expected that two Saturdays before Christmas, the sun would radiate the blasting warmth of a Beautiful Spring Day – but 2023 was consistent — the earth’s warmest year on record. Mother Nature gifts to us the hard cold cracked ground of winter in which the seeds of our hearts may be buried, laid dormant, and schooled into gleaming generous lights capable of shining out into the world. If one escapes her lessons, she will find another way. Sometimes, she will ask me to show up, even though she knows that I am not a fan of her warm weather.

It was his sixth Santacon in a row. He stumbled across the street into the park — Santas everywhere! He looked good. I mean the point was to get laid today if you could avoid vomiting. That’s all you had to do – stay horny and not throw up… lofty goals!

He pulled down the red felt suit pants he was wearing and urinated against the back of a park bench, all the while staring at his phone and making deals with his thumbs. The terror this image would have instilled into any child was exacerbated exponentially by the number of men in Santa Suits throughout the park doing the same thing. Talk about your nightmare before Christmas! I guess he eventually noticed the old, fat gentleman seated upon that bench at the far end because he nodded, shrugged, and offered a feeble explanation with a wry smile, tilting his head in the direction of the bar across the street from which he had just exited, “The, uh, the bar has only one single unit bathroom.”

“No worries,” the gentleman assured him, adding as he stared directly at him. “Really not a big enough issue to be concerned with.”

Slightly chagrinned at the entendre of that comment, but too busy multitasking to really take it in, he finished his business, flipped the waist of his suit back up, came around and sat down on the same half of that same park bench he had just claimed in his own primitive way. He put down his phone, and put his face into his hands trying not to feel as nauseous as he already felt. This older portly gentleman he regarded as an oddity today. Santacon was an event for young people, if perhaps of questionable IQs. Part of the point was for a new generation to take ownership of traditional Christmas archetypes and piss all over them, if you will, rejecting traditional images and their meaning. The once prevalent older, out-of-shape guys with more traditional big-bellied Santa body types, weren’t really the demographic for participating in these particular Bacchanalian revels. But this seemingly unwelcome older, fat-bellied man had his fifteen dollar contribution badge also, so clearly, he had somehow gotten in. The young man noticed the old man staring at him.

“What’s up, Santa?” the young man asked.

Oh, for those who may be unfamiliar with the protocols of Santacon, all participants call each other, “Santa.” Everyone is, “Santa.”  Imagine if an entire city decided to dress like you one day and everyone called one another by your name. Disorienting, to say the least.

“Hello!” I smiled politely. Then, as if casually making conversation, I asked, “So what do you do when you’re not dressed like this?”

“Oh,” the young man replied, “I head up an online strategic planning consultancy. With his confidence boosted just from saying that out loud, he opened his Santa Coat and exposed his bare chest to the sun.

I considered doing the same, even knowing that a jolly belly that [shakes] when [I laugh] like a bowlful of jelly is not a widely appreciated look for this event – really quite ironic when you think about it! “And what is it that you strategize, plan and consult about?” I asked him.

“Gifting,” he told me.

“Gift Giving? Why, that’s one of my favorite topics!” I exclaimed delightedly, with my most recognizable and jolly laugh seeming to jar him. Then, I prodded, “Tell me more!”

“No,” he corrected me, as if I could be corrected on this topic. “Gifting.”

There was a sudden brawl that broke out in the park. Ah, Santacon! Five or six insecure men fist-fighting one another in Santa Suits, grunting and snorting – a sight to terrorize children, and even moreso, the elderly. The elderly, those in second childhood – “second childishness,” as Shakespeare put it – they can be even more sensitive, more delicate than children themselves, and so Christmas becomes, once again, a time of such Wonder! This abrupt eruption of pent-up testosterone on display drew his attention, yet my gaze did not veer from him.

“I am here,” I gently reminded him. “I am completely present to you.”

My invitation welcomed the return of his gaze to mine, I encouraged him with tenderness, “Pray, continue.”

“Uh, yeah,” he stumbled, collecting his thoughts once again. Feeling accepted as you are can shift a person’s energy. “Gifting — it’s a digital tech process, having to do with maximizing corporate growth potential, profitability and sustainability.”

“Yes,” I nodded gesturing my hand forward with compassion.

“Serotonin release?” I asked, offering the young man a fine chocolate truffle from my glove.

He backed away slightly, jolted by the sudden manifestation of such a marvelous, Wonka-like treat in my hand, so I explained nonchalantly, “It’s a chocolate truffle. It’s tempered to melt in your mouth at human body temperature.”

The young man accepted the chocolate, popped it into his mouth, and then leaned back against the bench and spread his arms out along the back of it, his chest toward the sun, looking upwards. He attempted to continue hs train of thought, “I started the company about seven years ago. Gifting S.P.C. It stands for Strategic Planning Consultancy.”

“Yes, I got that,” I assured him.

“Whoa!” he exclaimed, his senses overtaking him! “Is this apricot with very, very deep dark chocolate!?”

“It is,” I guaranteed him.

“Holy Moly! That is my absolute favorite flavor in the entire world!” he exclaimed. “How did you know that!?” he asked in a delightedly higher register than he had been speaking.

“I pay attention,” I replied modestly, then adding, “Made it myself!”

He savored the moment. I asked about his love of that particular flavor combination, and he recounted that when he was a teenager, his parents had moved to Vienna for a time before their divorce, and he held close to his heart a very pleasant memory of a sachertorte. The combination of a subtle hint of apricot combined with such deep dark chocolate reminded him of a happier time. I of course, knew this already, but his telling me seemed to bring us a bit closer than before I’d offered it to him. And it was fun seeing how his energy shifted even more through reliving that pleasant experience with me. Taste and smell are the two senses that are most potent when it comes to excavating a buried memory.

“I wish I had something to give you in return for that,” he declared with earnestness. “Hey, let me buy you a drink, Santa!”

“Not necessary,” I told him. “Life need not be so mercenary. I got such pleasure from watching how you enjoyed that and your sharing your story with me. That was very much appreciated! Also, it’s the first time you made eye contact with me since we’ve been talking. That was…nice. Your eyes are quite compelling. They tell a story.”

“Scorpio,” he shrugged. “And I’m not a fan of that word, ‘nice.’ I don’t trust it.”
“Really?” I asked, taken aback. “Well, it’s a very important designation for me! Sums it up!”

 “Well,” he continued, “The great thing about it – you asked what I do — is that I help companies increase their income by selling gift chits and I strategize with them about how to minimize collection on those chits. So, see here, I noticed when I was in college that people would lose gift cards, and never seemed to even notice. I saw an opportunity in that. I figured, that’s free money for the company that issues the card, right? So, now, in the digital age, I work with companies to open purchasing avenues for e-gift cards – even easier to lose things in email than a physical card, which means even more profit — or best of all, texting links for gift cards which are almost never redeemed. It’s all pure profit! I make big money for big businesses! Of course, I take my fair share! And I work with my clients on synergy, so for example, I make sure that gift card redemption is left out of your staff training manuals, so that even if the customer does remember they have it and tries to use it, there’s no one at the point of sale who knows how to redeem it. Well, actually, you do have to have one – that’s key! One person who knows — it’s got to be some part of the managers’ training, so that if the customer complains too much, there’s somebody there who does ultimately know how to process it. We always work just this side of the law, right? So, it’s all perfectly legal. But, like, if that manager isn’t in that night, aww well, that customer will have to pay with their credit card, and then return again if they want to use this gift card they’re stuck with. We strive to make the experience just unpleasant enough that they won’t want to come back, so that the company (restaurant or whatever) ends up getting paid twice. You see? It’s an entire system. People are always buying gift cards for people and people always lose them or don’t get around to going to whatever the business is – restaurant, store, spa, resort, we’ve even got airline companies in on it, now. So, that was my opportunity – people’s carelessness — and I capitalized on it. I have helped companies increase this passive revenue from 18%, in some cases to over 75%! We can even help our clients – the bigger guys – to structure an LLC or a Sub-Corp, sell vast amounts of gift cards at holiday season, and then, after two or three years, disassemble the dummy company so that it no longer exists and the gift cards can’t be used, even if someone does try to buy something at that point. Pure Profit! Perfectly Legal!”

The young man was so excited about his success with all of this. “Hey, Santa, can you keep a secret?”

“Famous for it,” I replied, laying [my] finger aside of [my] nose.

“We are working with some of these new A.I. technologies, and I am telling you, Gift Card Sales will be the biggest moneymaker of all in a few more years! We can make them so easy that folks won’t be able to resist purchasing ‘em, and then virtually impossible for the recipients to redeem ‘em. Corporations will soon be able to make more money for what they do not actually produce than they make for what they produce. I am on track to be a very rich man: Elon, Jeff and Me!”

“Yeah, and don’t forget Max Bialystock,” I added. Then I sighed a heavy sigh.

“What do you do?” the cocky fellow asked, “I mean besides eat too many carbs?” He pointed at my belly with a poking gesture and laughed at his own lame little joke.

“I work in Gift Giving,” I told him.

“Oh, so the same?” he smiled at me a presumptuous, unquestionably Naughty List kind of smile.

“No.” I corrected him. “Your current work is more what I would call grifting than gifting. I work in Gift Giving. In fact, I actually came here to speak with you about that.”
“You came to me?” he echoed, looking quite surprised. “I was the one who came out of the bar and walked over to this bench to take a piss.”

“I’m honored,” I replied sarcastically, and frankly, rather at a loss.

By this point, he had not noticed the effect beginning to take place. I have more than just a few kernels of corn in my pocket that can make reindeer fly. It was as if a tornado were beginning to rise from the ground amidst the entire park. It was very like dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky… but more a holographic image…like it was real and it wasn’t, all at the same time. But whatever it was, he was swept up, that’s for sure, and he found himself now in the midst of it, too. It was a centripetal force, but it was comprised exclusively of sounds – I specialize in metaphysical coups! At the speed of sound, alarmingly dangerous as that is, he could decipher some incomplete phrases – voices of CEOs of the corporate world: “I don’t care what happens after they buy it!” “What is the maximum we can charge?” “Manufacture this with built in obsolescence, make it shiny and sparkly and make them buy another one within 60 days of purchase…” “Deceive them into thinking they’re getting something even better…” “How do we convince the buyer they need this?” “Our responsibility ends at the point of purchase…” It seemed to all spin faster and faster, now approaching the speed of light. He recognized the voices of a few modern-day Scribes and Pharisees: Bernie Madoff, Leona Helmsley, Dennis Kozlowski, Pablo Escobar, one former President of the United States… Then the deafening sound of Ivan Boesky’s voice infinitely echoing, “Greed is good! …good …good …good…”

And in that moment, it was clear to him that he was already one of them. Why, half those phrases he had said some version of in his young life already. He was as soulless as Boesky, and every bit as tacky and tasteless. He saw himself as soulless for the first time, and he was about to manifest that reality and be sucked down into the earth never to be heard from again, separating from his condemned soul as his limbs were to be wracked apart by the sheer velocity of his path. I appeared in my sleigh with those loyal and magnificent eight tiny reindeer and we broke through the rapidity of the centripetal force, at the speed of slow, gentle boundless compassion. The giant sack, so often illustrated as an abundance of children’s toys, was actually brimming over with infinite unending grace. Moving at the pace of stillness, we cut through the highspeed cacophony, headed toward the center point, and he was drawn to the mindful stillness of self-compassion above the din; the fat old man in the sleigh shouted, “Get In!”

He reached for the sleigh, and climbed in…

Then, in an instant, he was seated back on that bench. The experience had been his alone. And time was no longer relative. Perhaps this sort of thing has happened to you? Grace. We do nothing to deserve such relief from the torment of our own minds, and yet, it comes to us, as if by some divine birthright. Oftentimes, in small barely perceptible ways, and once in a while, in dramatic obvious ways, it happens to most of us every day: this experience of grace. Such experiences are among the greatest gifts of our lives. We even possess the power to give the gift of this experience to another, and there is no more powerful and direct way that we can affect, even alter, the life of someone else.

~~~

“Well, there is here, and there is here, but make no never mind about that!” I continued. “Gifting is not what you have really been doing. But Gift Giving is what you are capable of doing. I mean it less in the way of taking advantage of people, and more in the sense of a mitzvah.”

“A mitzvah?” he questioned. “So, you’re the real Santa, and now you’re gonna’ tell me that Santa is Jewish?”

“Oh, no,” I assured him. “You’ve got me confused with Jesus. He’s Jewish.”

I continued, “Ever considered reaching for a higher purpose? A richer life, perhaps?”

“Richer?” he asked, his interest and curiosity suddenly peaked.

“Not necessarily rich, but richer! I have a little Christmas Gift for you,” I offered, reaching into my own pocket, and stirring my hand to create a bit more magic.

“And I want you to keep that suit,” I told him. “It looks good on you; and it’s yours, after all.” I removed my hand from my own pocket, that gesture releasing stardust into the air, and I directed him, “Now, take a look in your pocket.”

~~~

He stuck his hand in the pocket of his red fur coat and pulled out the most beautiful scroll, which he unfurled. It read:

“Twelve Things about Gift Giving”

I. It’s the Thought that Counts!

It starts with thoughtfulness. Thought. Fullness. Take a moment, pause, and really consider the other person… Meditate upon the person for whom you are choosing a gift. Perhaps hold a quartz crystal, or other talisman, in your hand and think upon that person in your life…what you’ve been through together, what they mean to you, their particular interests, and all the unique things that you love about them, and all the things they love.

II. Homemade Presents are the Best!

Macaroni necklaces bring joy, for they are gifts of the heart! Yes, homemade presents take time. Make Time! Christmas is a Slow Holiday… Its feeling is joy. Joy is not felt in 160 characters or less… The more we embrace the gift of life, the more we step out of our comfort zone, and the more that we exercise our ability to love by taking action, helping others, giving, devoting, and extending ourselves, the more we open ourselves to receive joy. Joy takes time to feel, to savor, and to celebrate.
Think of Joy like a truffle, tempered so that it melts on the tastebuds at body temperature. As it melts, elation seeps through you, the serotonin releases in your brain in a slow steady bursting force of jubilation. Joy is like that!

III. Give for Giving’s Sake!

Give from your heart, joyfully! Expect nothing in return and always make your chosen recipient feel that their love and friendship is gift enough, for it is. There is nothing greater in all the world! Always remind them of the beautiful ways they have affected your life and that the gift you are giving is a small gesture of reciprocation for all they have already given to you. This is essential.

Giving need never be mercenary. Do not give a gift because you are expecting one back. Then it just becomes another kafuffle of human beings judging and putting pressure on one another. Just give for the joy of giving!

IV. Be Present!

They are called “presents” for a reason, and your presence is the most important part of it, whether you are the giver or the recipient. Make eye contact! Tell the giver what you love about it and what it makes you think and feel. Tell the recipient why you picked this gift out just for them. Communicate with enthusiasm! David Brandon in his work, ZEN AND THE ART OF HELPING, tells the story of “a student who organized the delivery of Christmas parcels to pensioners. One elderly person complained to me that she heard a loud knock at her door and by the time she opened it there was nothing except a large parcel of Christmas goods. My student explained to me patiently that they did not wait to make contact with the pensioner because it was ‘more efficient’ to knock and continue their delivery. Speedier it may have been but it effectively ruled out the possibility for human contact which might have been even more important than the parcel.” Rule for Christmas Day: Be present and be pleasant! Rule for Every Day: Be present and be pleasant!

V. Experiences Over Things!

People in life tend to accumulate things over time and then, halfway or two-thirds the way through, they begin the journey of divesting themselves of all they’ve accumulated. Gifts, by their nature, hold the risk of being burdensome. One way to keep it nice is to avoid, as much as possible, giving people things for which they will need to find space, or to dust. But exceptionally joyful memories are created by putting some thought into the kind of experiences a person would enjoy, such as tickets to a ballet, symphony or theater piece, a pass to the city zoo or a botanical garden, movie gift cards, a dinner out, a magazine subscription or perhaps an online course. Gift Giving can be a way to enrich the lives of others, while making them feel quite taken in, heard, and appreciated.

And always remember that our time with one another is a finite resource! Treasure it. Like our bodies, it’s not forever.

VI. Be a Gracious Recipient!

Say, “Thank You!” Send a note, text, or card… There are so many ways to communicate now. (I know you don’t have the time. Make Time! Our lives are better when we make time for Gratitude! That’s how you build a successful life and more of what you want! Be Grateful for what you have!) And if you receive a gift card to do something, then even if it’s months later when you do it, remember to send a picture to the person who gave it to you to thank them again and let them know what a wonderful time you are having. It might arrive to them just at a moment when they need to be reminded of their own self-worth.

VII. Plan and Organize!

I know it seems so simple, but make a list! And if you like, check it twice!

VIII. Shopping: Do it Early!

Do it in November before GivingThanks Day Weekend. Support businesses that you like and believe in. A gentle reminder: Jeff Bezos makes $7,990,868 dollars per hour and his business does not need your support as much as almost any other person in the world does.

IX. Use the Process of Giving Gifts to Make Connection!

As E.M. Forster wrote so beautifully in HOWARDS END: “Only connect.” Remember that a gift isn’t about you as the giver! It’s about the recipient. So, while we all may have certain causes that we celebrate, and certain platforms that we stand on, make this about the things your recipient cares about, not you. Think about what you can do to celebrate them for who they are, what they believe, and what they mean to you.

X. Gift Wrapping: Ribbons and Bows!

Gift Wrapping fosters a sense of wonder, excitement, and surprise. There’s a certain elation to unwrapping a gift. It bestows a sense of ceremony upon both giver and recipient, and that can be Fun. It emphasizes thoughtfulness and helps the recipient to feel even more valued. And while there may be a variety of concerns to oppose this practice, there is a solution for every one: Furoshiki (Japanese reusable fabric cloths), gift bags for those who cannot deal with tape and scissors, recycled papers and environmentally friendly package decorations, reusing newspaper and other printed pages, and the pretty illustrations on last year’s Christmas cards may be repurposed into gift tags for this year’s packages. Gift Wrapping is creative. Do creative things! Gift Wrapping is nice. Do nice things!

XI. KIDS!!! & The ELDERLY!!!

Maybe it’s all about Kids, maybe not! But it sure is Fun having Kids around at Christmastime! And Yes, give to them whatever gifts you can. But also teach them about giving. This, even more than what they receive, will make for them a rich and abundant life. Ask them what their favorite gift was that they gave at Christmas, not just the favorite gift that they received. And remember that the more expensive the toy, the more likely it is that the child will ignore it and play with the box that it came in…

The Elderly give us the opportunity to give back the treasured memories of Christmas in the ways that they have given them to us over the years – to give back all that we have received from their years of loving and gifting, whether we choose now to give to a parent, grandparent, relative, or even our elderly neighbors and friends! And even if it is not received well in their “second childishness,” there is a sweetness to this all its own, unmatchable in all the world.

XII. The Date Doesn’t Matter!

Some celebrate the holiday with gift giving on December 25^th, others on January 6^th…still others on January 17^th or 19^th. Sometimes we may get together with friends and loved ones a few weeks before Christmas, or a few weeks after. There is never a bad time to receive a gift. There is never a bad time to give a gift. The giving is all! (There is even one guy in New York, whom Santa knows about, who sends his Christmas Cards out a month or two after Christmas — Definitely Naughty List, this guy! But, that said, there is never a bad time for good wishes!)

Oh, and MIRACLES: Yes! Believe in the Miracles…

The thing I was not expecting was that he followed the list most devoutly, and he began employing it almost immediately. The effect was remarkable, and from such a seemingly unremarkable young man.

He began by seeing Giving as not so much an imposition but took it rather as an honor. Even just in embracing the list’s suggestions, he found himself more present. Being more present led to more presents! And so, ample opportunities to give just seemed to manifest themselves. It gave him so much joy to do it. And as is natural, he got better at it, then found even more joy in it… and so, the cycle led to an infinite spiral of joy.

Eventually, his giving inspired others to give and to give thoughtfully, abundantly, and lovingly. From his example and the good feelings that being present instilled, the people became even more present, not just in giving, but in all their behaviors. Giving took on a new meaning, beyond presents. People were more present in their casual encounters – holding doors open for one another to make it easier for others to pass through. They acknowledged one another more, and terms such as “Thank you,” “Please,” “Excuse me,” and “Pardon me, please” came back into colloquial fashion. Over time, and not very much time at all, the world became a much more pleasant place. How lovely it was!

Then the day came when the world’s leaders declared a new war – everyone against everyone! But there were enough people spending their time giving and loving that they chose not to fight! Rallies were held in front of the palaces and government buildings, and throngs of people called out, “No, Thank You!” And the governments – all the governments of the world — had no soldiers willing to kill anyone else. Instead, the soldiers went out and created or purchased or sought out presents for their enemies. Conversations were had, with people of one land saying, “I made this for you! I know you’ve been having a rough time and I thought it might cheer you up!” and the people of other lands offering bread that they baked, saying, “I know you must be hungry.” The time they would have spent fighting was instead spent on making nice things for one another and thinking about one another’s feelings. The people gifted one another with experiences – planting trees together, and spending time teaching one another to grow vegetables. They shared what they knew about irrigation and playing guitar, languages, sewing, and changing a flat tire, teaching one another to read, healing practices, yoga, and how to vote and why that’s important – painting, drawing, and how to make soup.

And one day, without anyone realizing it or necessarily focused on this one specific goal, that elusive idea of world peace was achieved, breaking through the rapidity of the centripetal force, at the speed of slow, gentle boundless compassion, and the Earth became a place in which everyone gave one another presents, and everyone was present with one another. No one looked at their phone when talking with other people and no one had their phone out at the dinner table. And everyone looked forward to Christmastime when I would come around. Earth was such a pleasant place to live, again.

And it all started from the most unlikely hero. Remember that. Even if you are a drunk from Santacon, or feeling fairly lost on your own journey, or confused about whether or not you have any purpose at all in this world, you can at any moment you wish change your ways, change your attitude, and save the world. It’s not too late!

~~~

The moment when he read the list for the first time was lifechanging. He kind of knew it, right then. When he looked up from the scroll, there were two nurses standing at the other end of the bench. The first commented to the second with some relief, “Found him!” and the other exclaimed, “Particularly difficult today when it seems everyone in the city is wearing the same clothes! Usually, he’s out and about among folks in their everyday mufti and much easier to spot in his red suit!” The nurses giggled and then with the gentlest of manners, they sat on either side of me and asked me if I wanted to go home now. They chatted with me about the day and if I’d had a nice walk and suggested that I come with them. I acquiesced, nodding in agreement, as they gently led me back across the street to the old age home for folks with dementia. I turned and winked at my new friend, pointing at him, and I mouthed the words, “It’s all up to you.”

#  #  #

“… giving leads not to sacrifice, but to receiving. Never forget you give but to yourself. Who understands what giving means must laugh at the idea of sacrifice.”

— The Course in Miracles