Advice to a Young Man in Love

In honor of MESSY MARCH…
In honor of the Beginning of Spring…

Advice to a Young Man in Love

FALL!
Yes, I know it is CounterIntuitive!
Do it Anyway!
FALL!
Let Go of Everything that you Know and have Ever Known,
And Learn Everything that you Don’t Know!
It is the Most Truthful State for a Human Being — this State of Discovery, this State of Unknowing,
Though it takes great Wisdom to Understand this.

Everything of which you are So Terrified!
YEAH! I KNOW!

And when you are together two decades you will see ARRIVAL, or some such Movie, and you will watch it knowing that your Partner has speculated that you will LOVE IT!
And You Love It!
But you will Never Know if you would have Not Loved it if Your Partner had not said that first
And Really, who cares?
The Point is Simply that you Do Love this Person.
You know Nothing for sure
Except that.
And that is enough.
And you know that too.
But all of that is years from Now.
Back to your present dilemma:

YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!!
Have you forgotten that!?
Beginner’s Mindset!
And in LOVE, Yes, even at Thirty-Something, You ARE a Beginner — Not even First Grade!
More like Pre-K!
NURSERY SCHOOL!
MEWLING AND PUKING!!!!
This is a FullOfWonder Thing to Be!
The COURSE IN MIRACLES says “He who admits that he knows nothing and has become willing to Learn Everything, will Learn it!”
You say that this person doesn’t feel as strongly for you — HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW!!!???
You say you’re not sure where it’s Going!
OF COURSE NOT!!!
You say that you know that this person doesn’t feel the Love for you that you feel for them — HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT!!!???

YOU DO NOT FUCKIN’ KNOW ANYTHING!!!
You are acting like POMPOUS LITTLE PETER with your ClipBoard and Your Attitude and a Lot of Questions and Fear Swirling Around You!
DROP THE CLIPBOARD!
DROP THE ATTITUDE!!!
AND JUST BE YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF!!!

THIS IS AN ADVENTURE IN DISCOVERY!!!
YOU KNOW NOTHING!
You have an Opportunity to Find Out Everything — Soooo Many Things You Have Never Known Before!

Who is this Person?
Learn Three New Things about them Every Day — Every Hour — Every Minute — Every Moment!
Ask Them Things.
Ask Them How they Feel.
Ask Them How long they’ve had that mole and what they Dream of and What they are Most scared of and What they would do if they knew that they could not Fail…
Explore
Learn
Delight
Abdicate
Let Go
Welcome
DISCOVER
Seek
Shed
Question
Venture Forth
Journey On
Make Love! MAKE LOVE LIKE CRAZY!
Touch their Feet. Ask them what they Feel when you do that
(A young man will probably hate it — A young man once said to me, “I feel Nothing!”)
(A young woman will probably Love it — A young woman once said to me, “WHOA! You touch my Feet, you’d Better Fuck me!”)
Ask them to touch yours.
Ask them what the Craziest thing is they have ever done sexually.
Ask them where they would go Right Now if they had wings and could Fly.
Ask them what they would do if they knew the World would end in five days.
Ask them
Ask them
Ask them
Ask
DISCOVER!

There is So Much you have to Learn about this Young Person.
Stop thinking you know it All!
You Know Nothing!

Modern Telecommunications and Social Media mislead you into believing that some other human being is knowable.
It is not True!
It denies our Higher Self, which cannot be captured in an online profile!
Or a Picture.
Or any representation.
You may study their FaceBook Profile,
Drool over a Google Search of their name and what they have up on LinkedIn or Instagram or SnapChat…
Access to such a great deal of information
may make you feel you know everything about them,
Even to the point of being bored by them, before you have truly begun whatever Journey you might take Together!
Sure.
But one of the many Great Things about Love
Is that you Learn how Little you Know Every Day.
Each Day you Discover New Things
Even after Days,
Months, Sex and Intimacy,
Years, Tears, Decades, Smiles,
Scores, Anger, Answers, Questions…
And the more you Live,
The more you Realize
The less you Know.
Do not be seduced by the Illusion that anything about this person’s Truest Self is Knowable.
Living Beings are not Knowable — We are an Adventure in Discovery!
Be mindful that they are ever evolving, just as you are.
So if there is even a moment when you truly know them,
That knowing changes both you and them,
And so neither of you is the same
In that very moment of knowing, you don’t know them anymore.
If you see the Buddha, Kill Him.

I Do Know This:
You are one of the Most BEAUTIFUL Young Men in the World!
And when you are genuinely interested in Discovering Someone or Something, you are Also the Most Charming!
I Know that this person is the Luckiest Child on Earth Right Now and they don’t even know it!
But YOU ALSO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE WHEN SOMEONE IS FALLEN IN LOVE WITH BY YOU!
You Are So Freakin’ Handsome! What is Someone to do with that?
It’s Scary!
You’re Beautiful and Well Travelled and Adventurous and Sexy as all Get Out and you’ve done things that people Twice Your Age have only Dreamed of…
That’s Intimidating, Bro!
Give the Kid a Chance!

When My Partner and I began our RelationShip, my first thought was, “Holy Shit! Does this mean I never get to be with another Asian Man Again!!!??”
Yup!
When the Greatest Gift of All comes into our Lives, the first thing we think of is All that we Stand to Lose.
Selfish Little Pricks we Mortals Are!
But it’s True!
It’s Human Nature!
One of my Best Friends got engaged to the Love of his Life and that night he went out and slept with the first female stranger he met in a bar.
The idea of Happiness is So Unbearable
Just by Virtue of what it requires of us.
BRIAN ANDREAS puts it this way:
“This is the thing we all come to
And this is the thing we all fight
And if we are Lucky Enough to Lose
Our Lives become Beautiful with Mystery Again!” We know the Truth deep down inside —
Happiness is something we do, not something we get;
And Love is a Verb!
LOVE IS A VERB!
DO IT!
GIVE OVER!
FALL!
TAKE ACTION!
It is not Passive!
It is not something to Wait For.
It doesn’t just Come.
You Must First Love!
You must Actively LOVE with All of your Heart, Mind, Soul and Being!
Give Over!
Give Everything!
Give ALL that you Have!
SURRENDER!
LOVE!
DISCOVER!

If you two are going well together — and obviously you are because, at the moment, you are Traveling the World! — this is pretty Fuckin’ Scary for them!
Will you give the Kid a Break! And Start working on your own Baggage and Leaving it at the Door! (Don’t worry — It’ll be there when you go back for it!)
You bring weird shit to this because of your relationship with your DAD, your DAD”s RelationShip with your MOM, Other Partners, and Past Experience.
Work on LETTING GO OF EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN AND DISCOVERING WHO THIS PERSON IS!
NOW!
ALLOW THEM TO REVEAL THEMSELF TO YOU!
EVERY DAY! EVERY MOMENT!
With Every Touch!
With Every Glance!
With Every Unspoken Word!
ALLOW YOUR CURIOSITY TO GO DEEP– DEEPER THAN ANY OCEAN!
OPEN UP!
SURRENDER!

DISCOVER
DISCOVER
DISCOVER
This is what LOVE does to us when it is at it’s Best!
We DisCover who We Are through Surrendering our Selves to the Knowing of Another!
That is the Miracle of it!

But you have told me So Much about what you know about them and you have only been together a short time!
My Partner and I are Together Nineteen Years and I am Still DISCOVERING Him EVERY DAY!!!
That’s the thing about Human Beings.
They Change!
We Change!
We’re not the same Tomorrow.
We will never be the same after Today.
Any Today!
It is Always New!
In this time of Spring, we Embrace That Infinite Unveiling!
We Celebrate ReBirth.

Open Up!
Humble Yourself!
But NEVER NEVER EVER Hate Yourself or make yourself Wrong for making mistakes in this, for that will Break the Charm.
You must Always Love Yourself so that they see that you are Worth Loving!
You must only Surrender all that you think that you Know!
So that you may Learn what it is you must next DisCover.

What a Wonderful Adventure!

I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU FALLING IN LOVE!

Now PLEASE Get Out of your Own Way,
OPEN,
and Let it Happen!

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2 Comments

  1. Love IS wonderfully messy and continually surprising – as you so beautifully describe here. It is not for the fainthearted, but it is for the dreamers and doers and celebrators…the kind of people most of us want to hang with.

    Reply

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