After the Rainbows: A Satirical Essay

BeckyDear BECKY,

No need to Worry!
It’s been over a Month now.
People have forgotten it even happened.

As CHAD GRIFFIN, Head of the Human Rights Campaign, was quick to point out on FACE THE NATION the very next Day,
You know, in a majority of states in the country still today, after this ruling, you can be married at 10:00 a.m., fired from your job by noon, and evicted from your home by 2:00 simply for posting that wedding photo on Facebook.”

See?
Our sense of self-privilege is perfectly protected.
This is our America, not theirs!
Leviticus, 20:13, Right BECKY?
And if a man lie with mankind, as with womankind, both of them have committed abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”

So What that women were considered property back when this was written?
What does that have to do with men, Right?

So What when a conquering tribe won a battle, they would sodomize the men that lost to let them know that they were now the “women” or the “property” of the victors?
What could that possibly have to do with what Mr. Leviticus is talking about?
We know that this verse is intended to condemn Honest Committed Loving Relationships between two men and has nothing to do with War!
It doesn’t even mention War!
The Bible must be followed strictly to the Letter of the Law!
It’s right there in plain English,
just as it was written 1700 years ago,
and just as JESUS spoke it 300 years before that!
English!
Not Islamic Extremeless, as you say!

These Laws about Homosexuality are obviously Very Serious.
The Laws about Tattoos, which are also in there, are obviously not.

“You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the LORD.” — Leviticus 19:28

Becky TattooBECKY, your FaceBook Pictures show that tattoo on your foot:
“Joy unspeakable”
That proves tattoos are OK! You have one!
What could be more Christian than that!

Don’t you hate when people say that JESUS never actually said Anything against Homosexuality?
JESUS says it right there in Leviticus!
It’s quite clear.

But the part about tattoos wasn’t really JESUS.
That’s more like Leviticus 11:10 which says we can’t eat shrimp.
We can eat shrimp!
We can get tattoos!
We just can’t allow Gay People to Marry!
That’s the Bible!

As for that part about us having to stay outside the house for a week,
when we menstruate — Leviticus 15:19 is an Ancient Law from a time when women were property and does not apply today.
“‘When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.
C’mon! It’s 2015, for Heaven’s Sake!
Women are not Property anymore! We know Better!
You cannot apply these archaic Jewish Laws of the Old Testament.

A Meme posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

A Meme posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

Leviticus 19:11 says that we cannot tell a Lie.
So we don’t.
We are perfect!
We are, as you say, Little Christs!
We discern the Laws that matter.

Friday June 26th, was what TED CRUZ so aptly called,
“some of the Darkest twenty-four hours in our Nation’s History”
TED CRUZ is a Little Christ.
And wasn’t that Republican Debate the Other Night just Marvelous!
I don’t even know Who to Pick from that! Do you?

Thank You, BECKY, for this Video you posted on your FaceBook Page!
It was like Manna in the Desert!
Some people even Rainbowed their faces! Did you see that!?

FaceBook Rainbows

FaceBook Rainbows, 2015

Hey! I bet that’s what that verse about tattooing yourself actually refers to!
That’s the Mark Forbidden by the Lord — Those FaceBook Rainbows!
You see? The Bible is relevant exactly as written!
I even saw pictures of Families with Children covered in Rainbows…
I so miss ANITA BRYANT’s “Save the Children” Campaign, Don’t You, BECKY?
That helped So Many People!
She was a Good Christian Woman!
JESUS drank Orange Juice.
They have Oranges in Israel.
That’s how we know ANITA BRYANT was Right!

Posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

Posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

A fellow with whom I went to High School posted,
“Churches, Get Ready! Get Ready! This is WAR!”
We are Warriors for Jesus, You and I, BECKY, and this Guy from my High School!
All us, “Little Christs.”
This is a Holy War on the Government of the United States of America now, isn’t it?
It’s like “the Islamic Extremeliss” — “The Islamic Obama!”

Posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

Posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

We are So Blessed with ANTONIN SCALIA and JOHN ROBERTS, eh?
Wish we could stop those Damn Liberals making an issue of CLARENCE THOMAS,
being married to a White Woman
Saying that before the Supreme Court Ruling on LOVING vs. VIRGINIA in 1967,
his own marriage would not have been Allowed.
What does that have to do with anything?

Posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

Posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

This is different!
These people are Homosexual.
They are Not Allowed to marry!
I feel mocked for expressing my point of view, Don’t You BECKY?
But it’s still a Free Country!
I just say “Matthew 5:11” over and over.
I don’t even listen!
I just post “Matthew 5: 11” everywhere
“Matthew 5: 11”
“Matthew 5: 11”
“Matthew 5: 11”
The Bible is Only for those of us who are Saved!
And all those references, like TIMOTHY 2:4 in which God talks about All People being Saved are not relevant here!
We are the Ones Entitled to it!
Not Homosexuals! Nor Immigrants! Nor Muslims!
“Jesus died to Save All People” only refers to people like me and you.
Just Us! (rhymes with ‘JESUS!’)

A Meme posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

A Meme posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

And I was So Proud of the Black People, weren’t you?
Well, a Few of them, anyway! The Church Ones!
Not OBAMA EXTREMELESS, of Course!
But the Saved Ones.
Good for them for Stepping Forward and condemning those who should not be Entitled to the same rights they got in this country only a few decades ago.
It’s just like Saint SAM ALITO said — that has Nothing to do with it!
SAM says you can’t equate them.
That was about Marriage Rights but it was only for the Heterosexual Blacks,
so that was OK!

And remember the Bible approves of Slavery. It was big then.
Our forefathers used that in drafting the Declaration of Independence
and Again when drafting the Constitution
To Protect Slavery.
To Protect our Privilege.
And I think most of these Black Christians who are against this Gay Marriage Decision would agree with that too!
When the Supreme Court was making decisions like DRED SCOTT vs. SANFORD,
That’s when we Little Christs were truly Living the Bible!
Back then, the Supreme Court understood this as a Bible Following Christian Nation!

A Meme Posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

A Meme Posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

I am So Sick of that Separation of Church and State argument, aren’t you, BECKY?
This is a Christian Nation and it always has been
Ever since COLUMBUS came and saved the Indians with our Religion!
And if other people don’t like it here, they can Leave!
We do not separate Church and State!
Our Religion comes directly from God.
No one else’s does.

We are the Rational Ones who keep our heads in times like this,
Just like your Video has captured here.
JESUS would’ve fought against Gun Control and Affordable Health Care and the Rights of Immigrants and Certainly this Supreme Court Ruling.

A Meme posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

A Meme posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

This Country was Founded to Allow Freedom from Religious Persecution.
So that we can assert our Religion now above the Law.
That makes sense, Right?

Really, it’s a form of Oppression
When other People get the Rights we have!
Those are OUR Rights!
Marriage is Our Right, Not Theirs!
We are being Bullied here!

A Meme posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

A Meme posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

We need another GLENN BECK March to once again take back the Civil Rights Movement!
Fly the Confederate Flag High!
And Fight this thing!
This is what our Religious Freedom is All About!

A Meme posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

A Meme posted on FaceBook in the Aftermath of the Gay Marriage Ruling, June 2015

And we’ll let the Awesome JON STEWART have the Last Word…

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1 Comment

  1. Too bad she won’t read this, though she wouldn’t get it if she did. Sigh.

    Reply

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